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Post by Dave on Mar 6, 2007 21:22:35 GMT -5
The screen goes black. We hear a heart monitor beeping, but see nothing. Clips of interaction between Moore and GB over the last two pay-per-views are shown, as the monitor beeps louder and faster. On screen, they are in each other’s face, staring menacingly with hatred into each other’s eyes. The screen goes black and we hear the sound of the machine flat lining. On screen, the stipulation for tonight’s main event flashes across the screen, and the flat line is replaced with a thunderous beating heart to end the video.
An array of fireworks erupts as the theme song for No Way Out, Darkest Hour – The Legacy, blares over loudspeakers. Joey Styles and Tazz put over the card for tonight’s show, especially the main event match.
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Post by Dave on Mar 6, 2007 22:12:33 GMT -5
Sonata Artica’s Blank File hits and out comes the newest addition to the Dank team, MysteryGM, who is wearing his lucha-style mask. He runs down the aisle and slides under the bottom rope and across the ring, before popping up and spinning around.
Gehrig comes out to AFI’s Miseria Cantare – The Beginning. Nothing like something only two people understand. He enters the ring and throws his arms up in an X, then turns his attention to the match at hand.
Gehrig v. MysteryGM – Welcome to Dank’s, Motherfucker!
Right away, Gehrig goes for a knee to MysteryGM’s gut, but MysteryGM dodges and hits a quick kick to the back of Gehrig’s leg. Gehrig stumbles a little but grabs the rope to get his bearings. Gehrig shoots an incredulous look at MysteryGM, who beckons for Gehrig to charge him with his hands. Gehrig obliges and the two lock up in the center of the ring. MysteryGM drops to his knee to stretch Gehrig’s arm, then gets up and quickly twists Gehrig into an arm bar. MysteryGM drives a big elbow into Gehrig’s bicep which sends Gehrig to his knees. MysteryGM bounces back off the ropes and leaps for a flip neckbreaker, but Gehrig dodges the move and MysteryGM lands on his back hard.
Gehrig gathers his bearings and picks MysteryGM up, only to lay a thick forearm onto his back and drop him again. Once again Gehrig picks him up, only this time he sticks MysteryGM’s head between his legs and reaches for his arms. MysteryGM grabs Gehrig’s legs and pulls them out from under him to get out of it. MysteryGM pulls Gehrig’s legs apart and hits a Jeff Hardy leg drop to Gehrig’s special place. Gehrig sits up in pain, but MysteryGM kicks Gehrig in the face to knock him back down. MysteryGM then picks up Gehrig and shoves his head between his legs. MysteryGM underhooks Gehrig’s arms and lifts him up, but MysteryGM is considerably smaller so he stumbles and can’t get the last part of the move down. MysteryGM keeps Gehrig in the air but he staggers towards the ropes. Gehrig uses his weight advantage to out-leverage MysteryGM and goes over the ropes and to the floor on his feet, which clotheslines MysteryGM on the top rope. MysteryGM falls back and to the mat, while Gehrig goes over to the announce table and picks up a steel chair. Gehrig climbs back into the ring as MysteryGM is climbing to his feet. Gehrig takes a HUGE chair shot that just about take’s MysteryGM’s head off. Gehrig tosses the chair to the side and picks up MysteryGM. Double underhook, lift, backbreaker. Welcome to Dank’s, Motherfucker!
Winner – Gehrig.
Gehrig looks at a broken MysteryGM who, from both the chair shot and the backbreaker, isn’t even moving. Gehrig climbs out of the ring and walks up the aisle. At the top of the ramp he turns around and raises his arms crossed in an X once again, then turns and heads to the back. By this time MysteryGM has gotten to his feet with the help of a referee and two road agents come to help him to the back.
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Post by Dave on Mar 6, 2007 22:13:20 GMT -5
Backstage, Rebecca DiPietro is with Gene Starwind, who is holding his NL East title on his shoulder. Gene tells Rebecca to shut up and that she has no business having a job. Gene turns his attention to his upcoming title match tonight. He says that since Beane has disappeared, he will have to defend against Jabroni, but that that’s fine with him. Gene says that anytime Beane wants a title match, he can have one, provided he realizes that he won’t be winning. Gene says that he went as far as to mail Beane an open contract for the title that he can cash in whenever he feels like it. Gene says that tonight, Jabroni is going to realize just why he’s 2-0 over Beane. He says that he’s going to show Jabroni just why he is the NL East champion. He says that he is the most dominant champion in the league, and no one, especially not Jabroni, can stop him. Cam walks in with Caddy at his side. Cam is carrying the world title and laughs at what Gene just said. Cam gestures towards Rebecca and tells Caddy to go have some fun because he needs to have a talk with Gene, so Caddy and Rebecca go off down the hall.
Cam asks Gene if he really thinks that he’s the top champion in the league. Gene starts to answer but Cam cuts him off. Cam says that a division title is nothing special, and that he doesn’t even bother to carry his NL West title. Cam says he won the World Series after only three years in the league. Cam says that Gene has been around for eleven years, and doesn’t have a single world title to show for it. Gene asks Cam what his point is. He says that even though he doesn’t have a world title, he’s still a two time NL East champion, and that counts for something. He says that Cam is right, Cam’s world champion, so Gene wants to know why Cam is bothering him? Gene wants to know if Cam realizes that he has an important title defense tonight, while Cam only has a tag team match. Cam says that two years ago, Gene won seventeen straight games and cost Cam a playoff spot. Cam gets in Gene’s face and Gene looks really nervous. Cam says that after that year, he dedicated himself to making the playoffs, and he not only won his division’s title, but he became World Series champion. Cam gets really close to Gene and Gene is visibly sweating. Cam tells Gene that if he wants to know what he wants with him, he’ll tell him. Cam says he wants to thank Gene for motivating him. Cam backs down and has a big smile on his face; Gene looks confused. Cam smacks Gene on the back and tells him good luck out there. Gene walks off with a bewildered look in his eyes. Caddy comes back and Cam looks at him. Cam asks Caddy if he’s done already. Caddy hesitates, looks down, and nods. Cam breaks out laughing and puts his arm around Caddy. The two walk off.
In the locker room, GS is going berserk. Scott happens to be sitting there and GS asks him if he has any idea what he has to do to beat Disney’s Doug tonight. GS says that he isn’t supposed to have competition for his title, and that it’s not fair that Disney’s Doug gets a title shot just because he threw money around to make his team a contender. GS says that people shouldn’t be able to buy title matches and that it isn’t fair. GS that since Disney’s Doug gets such an unfair advantage, then he should be able to have one too. GS asks Scott what he should do in his match tonight. Scott stands up and puts his hand on his chin. Scott tells GS that he may be his hero, but when it comes to GS’s match tonight, he just doesn’t care. Scott walks off as GS looks shocked.
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Post by Dave on Mar 6, 2007 22:14:04 GMT -5
Tony Chimel is in the ring to explain the next match. He says that it is a Fatal Four-Way, number one contender’s match with the winner receiving a title match of their choice between now and 2018.
Yages walks out to his theme song, Ace of Base – Always Have, Always Will. He skips down the aisle clapping along with the crowd to his song. He gets into the ring and climbs the turnbuckle and sings the chorus with the crowd.
Merlin comes out next to Rockapella’s version of Pachelbel’s Canon. He walks out in a full cloak and has his hands clasped together in front of him. Some people in the crowd hold up lighters.
Deuce is out next, accompanied by Between the Buried and Me’s Geek USA. He heads straight to the ring and gets in. Apparently he’s all business tonight.
Kyle is the last one out for the match, and he comes out to Metallica – Whiplash. He reaches out for some hand slaps in the crowd on his way to the ring. He climbs in and the bell rings.
Yages v. Merlin v. Deuce v. Kyle for a guaranteed title shot
Deuce immediately dumps Yages hard to the outside with a big clothesline while Merlin and Kyle lock up. Kyle gets the advantage and puts Merlin in a headlock, but Deuce hits a springboard enziguri to Kyle’s face that knocks him over. Deuce nails Merlin with a European uppercut followed by a DDT, then goes for the cover. Yages breaks up the pinfall attempt at one and quickly nails a snap suplex on Deuce. Yages picks up Merlin and lines him up, then hits another snap suplex that drives Merlin into Deuce’s body. Yages gets up and sees a spear attempt from Kyle coming, so he leapfrogs him. Yages quickly turns around and hits Kyle with a German suplex. Yages stands back up and looks around at the pile of bodies that surround him. He drags Deuce from out under Merlin and hooks his leg for the cover, but Deuce manages to kick out at two.
Yages stands up and Merlin hits him with a dropkick. Deuce stands up as Kyle tries for a cutter on Merlin, but Merlin blocks it and shoves Kyle into Deuce, knocking them both into the corner. Merlin runs at them and hits Kyle in the back of the neck with a clothesline that just crushes Kyle further into Deuce’s face. Merlin rolls up Kyle and goes for a pinfall but Yages breaks it up. Yages picks up Merlin and hits him over the back with a couple of forearms, then lifts him up for a big vertical suplex. Deuce climbs up to the top rope in the corner and leaps across the ring at Yages, who releases Merlin and dodges Deuce. Yages quickly grabs Deuce from behind and throws him to the outside with a release German suplex. It looked like Deuce hit his head against the guardrail pretty badly.
Yages goes for a German on Kyle, but Kyle elbows him in the face until Yages lets go. Kyle quickly nails his cutter on Yages and goes for the cover. One, two, Merlin breaks it up at the last second. Kyle gets up right away and hits a cutter on Merlin. Kyle gets up and climbs the turnbuckles. Yages shakes the ropes and crotches Kyle, who falls to the outside. Yages has a little smile on his face as he takes a step back from the ropes but Merlin grabs his arms from behind, spins around, and hits the Unprettier on Yages. Merlin rolls Yages over and drapes an arm across his body. The crowd counts along with the referee: ONE, TWO, OHHHHH. Yages got his foot up on the rope at the last second. Merlin puts his head in his hands and then gets up.
Merlin runs across the ring and bounces off the ropes, then goes for a baseball slide on Yages, but Yages rolls out of the way and Merlin goes flying out of the ring. Kyle gets back into the ring and runs at Yages but Yages ducks and grabs Kyle from behind, then hits him with a vicious looking dragon suplex. Merlin climbs back into the ring and goes after Yages before Yages can go for the cover on Kyle. Yages boots Merlin in the gut and lifts him over his head for a powerbomb, but Merlin starts hitting Yages with a flurry of right hands the sends both of them to the mat. Merlin grabs Yages’ boot and the ref starts the count, but Yages kicks out at two. Merlin gets up and is met by Kyle, who hits Merlin with another cutter. Yages throws a lariat at Kyle, but Kyle ducks and hits Yages with an inverted neckbreaker instead. Kyle goes for a cover on Yages, but he kicks out at two and a half. Kyle then goes for a cover on Merlin, who also kicks out on two and a half. Kyle looks frustrated and picks Merlin up.
Kyle whips Merlin to the ropes and runs after him with a clothesline that dumps Merlin over the top. Kyle turns around, but Yages is there. Kyle quickly goes for another cutter and manages to hit him with it. Merlin climbs to the top turnbuckle and Kyle turns his attention to that instead of trying to cover Yages. Kyle runs to the corner and climbs to the second rope, where he’s met by a right hand from Merlin. Kyle punches Merlin right back and the two trade rights until Kyle manages to lock Merlin in a headlock. Kyle climbs up to the top rope with Merlin’s head still in his armpit. Merlin hits Kyle in the side, but Kyle looks to be going for a superplex. Yages climbs to his feet and staggers over to the corner. Yages gets underneath Kyle and grabs his hips. Merlin hits Kyle in the side again and Kyle lets go of Merlin. Yages pulls Kyle off the top rope and takes two steps into the center of the ring, then drops him for a big powerbomb.
Merlin hops down from the top rope and hooks Yages’ arms again and starts to spin him around. Yages gets out of it by headbutting Merlin in the back, which forces Merlin to let go. Merlin turns around and Yages meets him with a hard chop to the chest. Merlin grimaces in pain, and then chops Yages right back. The two continue to chop each other back and forth as their chests turn purple. Merlin eventually counters with a right hand to the face instead of a chop and Yages staggers backward. Kyle is on his knees at this point and low blows Yages, which drops him to the ground. Merlin takes a run at Kyle but Kyle hits him with a forearm and then a Russian legsweep. Kyle gets up and punches Yages who is just getting up. Kyle whips Yages to the corner and follows up with a clothesline. Kyle puts Yages on the top turnbuckle, then climbs up to the second rope. Kyle picks Yages up and gets him on his feet, but Yages punches Kyle in the stomach, causing him to double over. Yages quickly picks Kyle up over his head and powerbombs him to the mat on the outside! The crowd went nuts for that.
Merlin is trying to get his bearings in the middle of the ring, so Yages crouches and waits to strike. Out of nowhere, Deuce is back up and on the ring apron, and he shoves Yages off the top turnbuckle and over the guardrail! Yages is in the crowd! Deuce is still groggy and flips Yages off before climbing back into the ring. He throws a lariat at Merlin but Merlin slides between his legs and pops up quickly behind him. Merlin grabs Deuce’s arms, spins him around, and hits the Unprettier in the middle of the ring. Merlin rolls Deuce over and go for the cover. ONE, TWO, THREE!
Winner by pinfall – Merlin.
The crowd cheers wildly and chants “THAT WAS AWESOME”. Merlin celebrates in the ring.
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Post by Dave on Mar 6, 2007 22:14:32 GMT -5
GS is in the locker room, still on his rampage. He comes across Dave and asks if he knows what he needs to do to beat Disney’s Doug. Dave asks why he wants to beat Disney’s Doug. GS looks at Dave like he’s retarded and says because he has a title defense against him tonight. Dave thinks for a minute and asks GS if he’s hooked up with Patty Mayonnaise. GS looks like he’s never been more confused in his life. Dave looks GS up and down and says “yeah, dumb question”.
Dave tells GS that he has a story that might help him in his match. Dave says he’s going to take GS back to 1997. Dave says that the kids at Disney’s Doug’s school were all getting this really cool jacket. Dave says that Disney’s Doug wanted to fit in, so he begged and pleaded for his mom to buy him the same jacket so he could be cool too. Dave says that his mom bought it for him, and Disney’s Doug was really happy. Dave says that then Disney’s Doug turned the jacket around and it had the wrong lettering on it. Dave says that Disney’s Doug was so disappointed, but he had to wear it because otherwise his mom’s feelings would be hurt. Dave says that at school Disney’s Doug wore the jacket, but was really careful to not let anyone see that it was a knockoff. Dave says that eventually, the really cool kid, who was also kind of a dick, found out and made fun of him, and Disney’s Doug felt like crap. GS asks Dave if this went anywhere. Dave says that he doesn’t remember the details, but that in the end, Disney’s Doug learned that it doesn’t matter if you’re wearing a really cool jacket or a knockoff, it’s who you are inside.
Dave reaches into his locker and pulls out the March 1997 issue of Disney Adventures and hands it to GS. Dave says that GS can read all about it in there. GS asks Dave how this is supposed to help him win his match. Dave says that he doesn’t know, but he really wants Scott to stop wearing Exco. GS hits his own head with the magazine and storms off, leaving Dave pondering Scott’s attire.
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Post by Dave on Mar 6, 2007 22:15:04 GMT -5
System of a Down – Radio/Video hits and Jabroni comes out. He comes out to the ring and looks pretty confident. He swings his arms a couple of times to loosen up his muscles.
Unearth – Sanctity of Brothers hits and Gene walks out with the belt slung over his shoulder. He walks down to the ring with his head high and a very smug strut. He raises the belt above his head and Jabroni slides out of the ring to attack him. Gene hits Jabroni in the face with the belt right away and Jabroni falls hard. Gene hands the belt to the ref, picks Jabroni up, and rolls him into the ring. Gene gets into the ring himself and the referee signals for the bell.
Gene (c) v. Jabroni – NL East Division Championship
Gene goes for a cover right away. One, two, OHHH! Jabroni kicked out right at the last second. Gene can’t believe it. He argues with the ref and Jabroni uses the opportunity to get up. Gene turns around and is met with a big lariat from Jabroni. Gene hits the mat and bounces right back up and turns around to meet Jabroni. Gene kicks at Jabroni, but he catches his foot. Gene spins around to go for an enziguri, but Jabroni ducks. Gene spins back around and nails Jabroni in the face with his heel. Jabroni stumbles backwards into the ropes while Gene gets back up. Gene hits a big dropkick on Jabroni that sends him over the ropes and to the floor. Gene runs to the other side of the ring, bounces off the ropes, and then somersaults over the top rope and into Jabroni, where both of them crash into the guardrail. The referee starts to count both men out.
Jabroni is actually the first to get up, and he rolls into and then back out of the ring to break up the count. Gene starts to struggle back to his feet but Jabroni punches him in the head to knock him back down. Jabroni picks Gene up and whips him into the steel steps. Jabroni is clearly in control now and he knows it. He saunters over to Gene and picks him up. Jabroni scoops Gene off the ground and slams him down onto the mat. Jabroni rolls back into the ring and then out to break up another count out attempt by the ref. Once again, Jabroni picks Gene up off the ground. Jabroni picks Gene up and starts to run towards the steel post, but Gene grabs the ropes to slow Jabroni down. Gene starts elbowing Jabroni in the head and he is forced to let go of him. Gene lands on the apron and hits a side kick to Jabroni’s head which knocks him over. Gene picks up Jabroni and rolls him into the ring.
Gene climbs to the top rope and leaps for a five star frogsplash, but Jabroni moves and Gene hits nothing but mat. Jabroni goes for a quick cover, but Gene kicks out at two. Jabroni disagrees with the call and starts jaw-jacking with the ref. Gene gets up and runs towards Jabroni, but Jabroni sees him and drops down to hit Gene with a drop toehold. The move knocks Gene into the ref and knocks the official out. Jabroni gets up and drags Gene by his legs over to the ropes. Jabroni wraps Gene’s left leg around the bottom rope, then jumps up and hits a leg drop on the same leg. Gene writhes in pain and Jabroni just smirks. Jabroni picks Gene up and throws his arm over his head for a brainbuster, but Gene starts hitting Jabroni in the ribs and Jabroni lets go.
Gene grabs Jabroni’s arm and starts to whip him into the corner, but Jabroni reverses it and Gene hits the turnbuckles. Jabroni comes after him, looking for a lariat, but Gene sidesteps it and drives Jabroni’s head into the turnbuckle. Jabroni falls to the mat and Gene jumps up to the top rope and hits a split legged moonsault on Jabroni. Gene winces and holds his left leg. Gene hooks Jabroni’s leg for the cover and the crowd counts to five before Gene gives up on the pinfall attempt. Gene gets up and hobbles across the ring to try to get the referee. Jabroni gets up and chop blocks Gene’s left leg. Jabroni locks Gene into the figure four leglock and starts yelling at the referee to try to get his attention. Gene taps out, but there’s no one to ring the bell so Jabroni lets go and rolls out of the ring. Gene crawls over to the ropes to try to get stand up while Jabroni takes a steel chair and rolls back into the ring. Jabroni charges at Gene and swings with the chair, but Gene ducks down and the chair bounces off the top rope and back into Jabroni’s face, knocking him down and out. Gene limps over to the corner and climbs up to the top turnbuckle, looking for a five star frogsplash again.
Caddy pops up from under the ring and picks up the chair that Jabroni dropped in the middle of the ring. Caddy beckons to Gene to jump at him and Gene yells at Caddy to get out of here. Out of nowhere Cam is on the apron. Caddy drops the chair to the ground and Cam shoves Gene off of the top rope. Caddy catches Gene upside down in midair and drops him in a piledriver on the chair. Cam climbs to the top rope and yells at Caddy to get the ref. Cam leaps into the air. Tit Bomb! Cam just hit Gene with a thunderous Tit Bomb that shook the ring. Cam rolls over and stares into Gene’s face. Cam yells that a champion never forgets. Cam goes over to Jabroni and drags him to where Gene is. Cam drapes Jabroni’s arm over Gene and rolls out of the ring before the now-concious ref sees him. The referee rushes over to make the count. One, two, three. We have a new champion.
Winner by pinfall and NEW NL East Division Champion – Jabroni!
Jabroni celebrates in the ring while Cam and Caddy regroup and laugh at Gene. The ref gives Jabroni the title belt and Jabroni holds it high over his head.
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Post by Dave on Mar 6, 2007 22:15:27 GMT -5
GS is in the back, still looking for answers for his match with Disney’s Doug. He comes across MysteryGM, who is holding an ice pack to his head. GS asks him if he knows what he has to do to beat Disney’s Doug. MysteryGM says he does and it’s a pretty obvious answer. GS asks him what that answer is. MysteryGM says that he’ll tell him if GS will help him out. He says that he wants a real match with Gehrig at the next show. GS says that he doesn’t book the matches, but he should help him anyway. MysteryGM says that there’s nothing in it for him, so he’s on his own. MysteryGM gets up and walks off. GS looks pissed.
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Post by Dave on Mar 6, 2007 22:15:53 GMT -5
Brian comes out to 30 Seconds to Mars – The Kill. He walks down the aisle and stops at ringside without getting into the ring.
CSale comes out to Eminem – The Real Slim Shady. He runs down the aisle and Brian meets him part way as the two start to brawl on the ramp. CSale gets the upper hand and hits Brian with a back drop that echoes loudly off the steel. CSale picks Brian up and guides him to the ring. Brian blocks CSale from rolling him into the ring and the two trade punches again. CSale, once again, gets the upper hand and whips Brian into the steps. CSale finally gets Brian into the ring and follow him. The bell rings and the match is actually underway.
Brian v. CSale
CSale lifts Brian up and quickly hits a one arm powerbomb on him. Brian somehow manages to kick out of the pin and CSale looks agitated. CSale picks him up against and lifts him on his shoulder and hits yet another one arm powerbomb. CSale covers, but he dropped him to close to the ropes and Brian gets his foot up on the bottom rope to break the count. CSale gets up and strokes his chin while Brian struggles to sit up. CSale starts to talk to the ref; it looks like he was questioning his decision to not end the match. The discussion starts to get a bit heated. Brian slides up beside CSale and hits a low blow that the ref doesn’t see, and rolls CSale up for the cover. CSale kicks out, but the referee’s hand came down at the same time and he calls for the bell.
Winner by pinfall – Brian.
Brian rolls out of the ring and limps up the aisle with one hand raised in the air. CSale starts yelling and pleading his case to the ref, but he won’t hear any of it. CSale looks really pissed off. He boots the referee in the stomach and gives him a one arm powerbomb before storming off.
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Post by Dave on Mar 6, 2007 22:16:18 GMT -5
Backstage, GS runs into Gene. GS asks Gene if he’ll back him up in his match coming up next. Gene’s mouth drops open and he freaks on GS. Gene says that he just lost his title and got his ass kicked by three guys. Gene asks why on earth he would care about GS’s title match and then storms off. GS looks like he wants to crawl in a hole and disappear, then heads off.
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Post by Dave on Mar 6, 2007 22:16:39 GMT -5
Pantera – Revolution is My Name comes on and Disney’s Doug comes out. He looks really pumped up for this match and jogs right down the aisle before sliding into the ring.
Britney Spears – Lucky hits and GS walks out with the belt around his waist. He walks down the aisle very hesitantly and climbs up on the apron. He sighs and steps into the ring.
GS (c) v. Disney’s Doug – AL West Division Championship
The referee goes to take GS’ title from him and GS steps back out onto the apron. GS calls for a mic and everyone looks confused. GS says that it’s not fair that Disney’s Doug is getting a title shot that he bought and didn’t earn. GS says that he doesn’t think that it’s right that he has to defend his title in a match where he has such an obvious unfair disadvantage. GS said that he couldn’t think of anything to even the odds, so he was taking his belt and going home. He tossed the mic into the ring, got down from the apron, and started walking back up the aisle. Disney’s Doug couldn’t believe it, and the referee was forced to start counting him out. Right after the referee counted to five, Disney’s Doug hopped out of the ring and ran after GS. He got him and tried to drag him back to the ring, but GS just wasn’t having it and fought him off. The ref’s count reached ten and he called for the bell.
Winner by count out – Disney’s Doug (title does not change hands).
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Post by Dave on Mar 6, 2007 22:17:13 GMT -5
A video airs to hype the upcoming tag match. It recaps the old Caddy-Cam feud, the first teaming of Dave and Scott back at Survivor Series, Cam turning on Dave at New Year’s Revolution, and Cam aligning with Caddy on OOTP Raw.
NOFX – Herojuana hits the loudspeakers and the crowd roars its approval as Dave walks out. Dave stops about halfway down the ramp, and then turns and points back to the entrance. Ol’ Dirty Bastard’s Baby I Got Your Money hits and Scott walks out to another thunderous crowd reaction. Dave and Scott head to the ring; once there, they do their fancy secret handshake.
Blink 182’s Happy Holidays, You Bastard hits and the team of Cam and Caddy walk out. Apparently they decided to not have separate entrances. Cam holds up his two title belts and the two walk down to the ring. They climb in and the referee rings the bell.
Dave and Scott v. World Series Champion Cam and Caddy
Scott and Caddy start the match and Scott goes straight to work on Caddy’s right shoulder. Scott works Caddy into a hammerlock and just starts elbowing and punching Caddy’s right shoulder. Scott tags Dave in and Dave grabs Caddy’s left arm and scissor kicks his left shoulder. Scott steps out onto the apron and Dave continues to work Caddy’s left arm. Looks like their strategy is to weaken Caddy’s shoulders to set up for a devastating Jew’s Edge from Scott. Dave twists Caddy’s left arm but Caddy rolls through and punches Dave in the face. Dave just stands there; the work that Dave and Scott did on Caddy’s arms have made his punches hurt him more than them. Caddy quickly realizes this and kicks Dave in the stomach, which is effective and doubles Dave over. Caddy turns to Cam but Cam shakes his head at him, so Caddy goes back to kicking Dave.
Caddy lands a vicious kick to the back of Dave’s knee that knocks Dave to the mat. Caddy follows it up with a kick to his face. Caddy moves for a cover but Dave kicks out. Dave gets up and kicks Caddy in the stomach to double him over, then hits a double underhook DDT. Cover, kickout at two. Dave gets up and tags in Scott, who grabs Caddy’s foot as he’s trying to escape to his corner. Caddy spins around and hits an enziguri on Scott, which knocks him back to his corner, and let’s Caddy tag out to Cam. Scott tags Dave in right away, and Dave steps through the ropes and gives Cam a purely evil glare. Cam looks hesitant and turns around and blind-tags Caddy back in. Caddy can’t believe it and Dave just smirks.
Caddy and Dave circle the ring, waiting for each other to make a move, until Caddy dives at Dave’s midsection. Dave immediately starts pounding on Caddy’s shoulders, but Caddy has enough momentum to drive Dave into the corner where Caddy can make the tag to Cam. Cam steps through the ropes and, while Caddy continues to hug his stomach, sets Dave up for an inverted DDT. Caddy steps through the ropes and to the apron while Cam pulls Dave away from the corner. Cam takes Dave’s leg and places it on the bottom rope, then stomps on the back of his knee, the same back of the knee that Caddy kicked earlier. Cam looks around with a sick grin on his face.
Cam turns Dave over and crouches over him, hooking Dave’s injured leg over his own. Cam pulls farther back on the leg, almost in half-crab position, as Dave cries out in pain. Dave somehow manages to grab the ropes to force Cam to let go of his leg, although Cam uses the entire five-count before letting up. Cam picks Dave up to his feet, and then kicks him in the same knee he was just working, which sends Dave crumpling to the mat. Cam drags Dave over to the corner and tags Caddy in. Cam lifts Dave up for a vertical suplex, then brings him down on the ropes behind him. Dave bounces back up and Cam directs him at Caddy, who catches him and hits a tombstone piledriver on Dave. Cam steps out onto the apron as Caddy goes for the cover. ONE, TWO, OHHHHH! Dave SOMEHOW kicked out of that. Caddy can’t believe it and Scott is all fired up on the other side of the ring. Caddy tries to go for another cover but Dave kicks out almost right away.
Caddy lets Dave stand up and then hits a low dropkick on his injured leg, which predictably plants Dave back on the mat. Caddy starts stomping away at Dave’s knee, which works until Caddy decides to work up Dave’s body and Dave catches Caddy’s foot in his hand and trips him. Dave tries to get up and stagger over to tag in Scott, but Caddy catches him by the bad knee and wrenches him back to the mat. Caddy drags Dave back to the other side of the ring just as Dave is almost able to tag out to Scott. Caddy puts Dave’s leg on the bottom rope and stomps in it, then tags out to Cam. Cam steps through the ropes and right away puts Dave in the same half-crab type submission move he had him in earlier. Once again, Dave is too close to the ropes and grabs them to break the hold. Cam starts jerking on Dave’s leg and then locks in the submission hold again. Dave struggles but yet again manages to grab the ropes. Cam is visibly frustrated and picks Dave up. Cam puts Dave up on the top turnbuckle, then picks him up for what looks like a modified muscle buster. Cam falls back, but instead of smashing Dave on his back like in a normal muscle buster, Cam angles Dave to land straight on his leg. Dave flops around like a fish who just got shot with a harpoon; he might have some serious leg damage.
Cam tags in Caddy and lifts Dave up for a vertical suplex while Caddy climbs to the top rope. Cam holds Dave seemingly forever before yelling “NOW!” at Caddy. Caddy jumps and hits a NASTY looking delayed dropkick to Dave’s head. Cam drops Dave and steps out of the ring. Caddy goes to work on Dave, picking him up on his shoulder and looking for another tombstone piledriver. Dave uses his body to shift Caddy’s balance and both of them fall to the mat. Dave immediately makes a move towards his corner. Caddy tries to grab his leg and pull him away but Dave takes to Scott just in time! The crowd goes nuts for the tag.
Scott runs in and hits Caddy with a big lariat. Cam runs into the ring and Scott takes him down with a lariat, too. The crowd is getting louder and louder. Caddy stands back up and Scott nails him with a backbreaker. Cam runs at Scott again but Scott ducks and dumps Cam to the outside with a big backdrop. Caddy gets up and Scott boots him in the stomach. Scott pulls Caddy’s head between his legs; the crowd might blow the roof off here. Scott flips Caddy up to his shoulder, then lifts him over his head. Here it comes...JEW’S EDGE! Scott destroyed Caddy with that thunderous crucifix powerbomb. Cam slides back into the ring, but this time he has his world title belt with him. He swings at Scott with it, but Scott ducks and boots Cam in the stomach, signaling for another Jew’s Edge. Cam pulls Scott’s legs out from under him to get out of it.
Dave comes into the ring and charges at Cam, but Cam sees him coming and nails him with a Cleavage Surprise. Cam gets back up with the title belt in his hand, as both Scott and Caddy are getting to their feet. Cam swings the belt at Scott, but he ducks and Cam nails Caddy instead. Cam is in shock as Caddy shakes it off and realizes what just happened. Caddy stands up and shakes his head at Cam, mouthing something to him. Caddy climbs through the ropes and jumps to the mat. Caddy is walking out on Cam! Cam is pleading for Caddy to come back.
Gene comes running down to the ring with a steel chair in his hand, but only Scott sees him and he starts to distract the ref. Cam turns around and is met by Gene throwing the steel chair at him. Cam catches the steel chair and Gene hits a Van Daminator! Gene slides back out of the ring and takes off through the crowd as Cam staggers around the ring. Cam turns around and is met by Dave, who lifts him onto his shoulders in a fireman’s carry. Dave spins Cam around and brings him down for a sitout powerbomb. Dave pops back up and points to Scott, who is climbing the turnbuckles, looking for that flying elbow drop. Scott takes off through the air, and hits it! Jew’s Gold! Jew’s Gold! The crowd is going COMPLETELY insane and Scott nips up. Scott and Dave are feeling it and do their handshake before taking off for opposite sides of the ring. Cam climbs to his feet as Scott and Dave are hitting the ropes on the opposite sides of the ring and running back to the middle. They reach Cam and lift him up into the air, then jump, flip him, and bring him down for a Clam Driver! Dave throws an arm over Cam and the referee starts to count, along with the crowd. ONE! TWO! THREE! It’s over, and the ref signals for the bell as the crowd goes wild.
Winner by pinfall – Dave and Scott.
Dave and Scott roll out of the ring and leap into the crowd to celebrate with their fans. Cam sits up and shakes his head before rolling out of the ring and heading up the aisle. Styles and Tazz put over the match we just saw.
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Post by Dave on Mar 6, 2007 22:17:51 GMT -5
The ring crew runs out to set up the ring for the next match. A video goes on the screen to recap the feud between GB and Moore. They start at GB asking Moore to be his partner for the tag match at Survivor Series, then GB turning on Moore after the match; they also show footage from New Year’s Revolution where Moore dominated the match but GB squeaked out a win. The video finishes with highlights from other matches with similar stipulations and promos that Moore and GB have been cutting on each other since New Year’s Revolution. The video ends.
Tony Chimel is in the newly designed ring, with barbed wire ropes, plywood boards covered in C4 and barbed wire in each of the corners, and heavily thickened steel posts that are strapped with explosives. Chimel explains that there is a ten minute timer for before the ring explodes, and that the match is won by one pinfall.
GB walks out to Will Smith – Miami. He seems really out of his element in a match like this and doesn’t look comfortable at all. He climbs into the rings and examines the boards in the corner, before picking one and tossing it into the middle of the ring.
Moore comes out to Rise Against – Everchanging. He looks confident and angry when he first walks out, but as he gets closer to the ring he appears more and more nervous. He steps through the ropes and the bell rings; we’re on our way. Let’s hope no one dies.
Moore v. GB in an Anything Goes, Barbed Wire Rope, C4 Board, and Exploding Ring Death Match
Moore and GB lock up right away. Both are pretty wary of the board that GB placed in the middle of the ring. The two break free and Moore shoots a glance at the timer on the big screen. GB takes the opportunity to lunge at Moore and send him into the corner. Once in the corner both of them lock up again. Both of them are working pretty carefully and trying to avoid damage. GB gets an advantage and tries to whip Moore across the ring and into the barbed wire, but Moore reverses it and GB has to do a flip to avoid crashing into the barbed wire ropes himself. Moore picks up one of the C4 boards and climbs to the top turnbuckle. GB stands up on the outside and Moore tosses the board at him. GB catches it, but Moore follows it up with a missile dropkick that knocks GB down and the board on top of him. BOOM! The C4 on the board went off. Moore walks over to GB and picks up the board off of him. It looks like some of the barbed wire on the board got caught on GB’s flesh; between that and the explosion, GB is already bleeding heavily. Moore rolls GB back into the ring and climbs in himself, going for a cover. One, two, GB kicks out. Moore sits up, and from the look on his face, he doesn’t seem to be enjoying this as much as he expected. Moore shrugs and picks GB up to his feet. Moore whips GB into a corner where there’s still a board standing; unfortunately for GB, he’s pretty weak at the moment and he runs right into it. BOOM! GB falls straight to the mat and is shaking. There is literally blood DRIPPING from him wherever he goes. The clock reads about five minutes left in the match.
Moore walks over to GB and pulls him into the middle of the ring, sort of. Moore covers him, but GB puts his foot up on the rope. Of course, given that the rope is barbed wire for this match, Moore looks at him like he’s completely out of his mind. Well, he has taken two C4 explosions to the face. Moore hits GB with a belly to belly suplex that ends up with GB actually SLIDING across the ring a little from how much blood he lost. The clock shows three minutes.
GB struggles to his feet and takes a swing at Moore. Moore ducks and shoves GB to the ground. GB lands on his face and slides again. Moore pulls GB back towards him and covers. GB manages to kick out yet again. Moore picks up GB and whips him towards the ropes, but this time GB is the one to reverse it and Moore goes running straight into barbed wire. GB sets one of the boards beside Moore, who is trying to get untangled. GB struggles to the top turnbuckle. GB stabilizes himself and leaps towards the apron. He is too far to the right to land on it, but he gets his arms out and pulls down on Moore’s head on his way to the mat. Moore bounces back up and loose of the barbed wire, but he keeps going and falls backwards onto the third C4 board. BOOM! The clock reads one minute and counting.
GB tries to get up but falls. Moore gets up and clears the wreckage from the ring. He’s losing blood pretty badly, but not nearly as badly as GB. There’s only the first board left, the one that GB put in the center of the ring before the match started. Moore goes to the outside and rolls GB back into the ring. Moore covers GB, but GB kicks out again. The crowd starts to count down from ten and Moore decides to bail from the ring. GB is left alone in the ring, and the posts explode in a deafening blast. There’s really no way to describe how big this explosion was other than to say go and blow up a gas truck. It was huge.
Moore slides back into the ring and GB is flat out convulsing by this point. Moore goes for a cover, but GB is so jittery it takes him a while to get his shoulders down. It’s really an interesting crowd reaction; they’re not sure whether to enjoy this or to be horrified and it sounds like they’re doing both. Moore finally gets the cover down and the referee counts to three. GB was all out of miracles.
Winner by pinfall – Moore.
After the bell rings and Moore’s music hits, he sits there for a minute. He and the ref help GB up as medical staff rushes to ringside. Moore gives GB a big hug and helps him to the outside. The crowd cheers for this and is pretty happy that no one died.
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Post by Dave on Mar 6, 2007 22:18:11 GMT -5
Styles and Tazz thank the viewing audience for inviting Dank’s league into their homes as the copyright information comes up on screen. Thanks for joining us tonight!
Quick Results Gehrig def. MysteryGM Merlin def. Deuce, Yages, and Kyle Jabroni def. Gene to become NEW NL East Division Champion Brian def. CSale Disney’s Doug def. GS by count out Dave and Scott def. World Series Champion Cam and Caddy Moore def. GB
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Post by Gene Starwind on Mar 6, 2007 22:44:21 GMT -5
Pure.Awesome.
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Post by Dave on Mar 6, 2007 22:46:16 GMT -5
Earlier today I thought it would be neat to whip out WrestleMania sometime next week and have it up just after the end of the year. Now I'm not so sure.
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